As I have spent precious time preparing myself for what is to come, I have found I am holding my breath. The enormity of what is about to take place has rested beyond my strata - keeping a safe distance allowing me to focus on the 'doing' of life. But I fear that perhaps as the time drawers near for my venture to begin, things will not be as simple as expected.
Emotions at this stage are guarded and protected by action, it is the time of stillness that will bring a rush of revelation - this is the time I fear, no! That is incorrect, I fear not - but do hold my breath in awe.
My journey over the last 10 years has brought me to this place. Every experience, every hic-up, every rising sun - has prepared me for today. It is this thought that pushes me to understand my past, my past persona and relate this to the 'now me''... because the 'now me' is the woman who will shape my future..
I was sharing some of my past with a dear friend today, something I have not had the opportunity to do for quite some time, I felt the calmness of God settle on me. My very soul centred, I know that my decision has confused some and others are flaberghasted by it, but my God will not abandon me & He holds my children in the centre of his hands.
Perspective is what creates moments of clarity, clarity encourages careful thought and decision without thought is rancid with fear... peace is only achievable when your path has clarity brought on by considered and deep thought. (not the computer! lol couldn't resist)...
My world, perspective, time, focus... everything I identify myself with is about to change..
It will be a time of much stress and self doubt filled with a freedom which is even too strange to consider.
I am sitting on the edge of a reason I understand, about to jump into a pool of foaming water...
My only prayer is that my Father has a lifeline should I fear drowning in this strange new world