The last few days have been an emotional rollercoaster, I may look quite happy on the outside but have battled on the inside with who I am & with the help of others, where I fit in.
Unlike most of my friends & aqaintances, I have no family here, no sister to go shopping with, no Mum to pop by, no family gatherings.. nada!
I mostly do things on my own steam, or just keep an ear out for things that may be happening & ask if I can join in.... I'm social, why deny something that's part of me? Am I really expected to wear a shroud of 'invisibility' and not 'live'?
It ain't so good. Just so grateful, that sometimes I'm remembered.
Everyday is a battle with my emotions, not living with my girls is the hardest thing I have ever done. It tears at my soul, if 'they' new (not my girls, they know) how sometimes I am held together by nothing stronger that tissue paper, then maybe 'they' would judge me less. Not that I value myself by their judgement, but I am human & have a womens heart, one that is easily hurt.. my tears are real.
But, it's ignorance that keeps blindfolds in place & culture that enslaves and binds... I won't be bound, I am free from those things & victory is mine!
My only prayer is that in this difficult time & as I struggle on, I will draw nearer to Him who gives me strength - because, without Him, I would be nothing but an ignorant fool.